Marriage is one of the more rewarding still Challenging travels in life. Although we often enter with high expectations, the reality is that marriage is a lifelong learning process.
As in psychologist Whoever studies couples every day, I have worked with many people who only understand the toughest marriage lessons after they have experienced conflicts, disappointments or a uniform divorce.
If you can accept these five hard truths about marriage now, you are more likely to have a happy and successful relationship:
1. Love alone is not enough to keep a marriage together.
Many couples believe that whenever they love each other, everything else will fall in place. But love does not automatically solve differences in communication styles, personal values or long -term goals.
What really maintains a marriage is the commitment, effort and desire to adapt. Love can help keep the spark in motion, but they are the daily options that really make a difference.
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How do you respond to the conflict? How do you introduce one another? How do you keep growing together? These are the questions that determine how strong your marriage is.
2. You’re going to fight … a lot.
One of the most important misconception about marriage is that really compatible people do not argue. But not only the conflict is inevitable, it is also essential. In fact, the absence of conflict probably means that important issues are being devastated under the rug.
And they are not the fighting that hurt relationships: it is like Couples choose to manage their disagreements. A healthy conflict can bring members closer to the door to deep and significant conversations about desires and needs, which can lead to problem solving.
My advice is to learn to fight fairly. No games of guilt, without stone and personal attacks. Create a safe space where you can be honest and open without judgment.
3. Your partner will not, and cannot meet all of your needs.
Many people enter a marriage, thinking that their spouse will be his « everything »: his best friend, the emotional support system, the animator and the troubleshooting. Although it is natural to support one another to obtain support, waiting for a person to meet your needs is not realistic.
Sans spouses recognize the importance of individuality. This means maintaining individual interests, friendships and goals. Encouraging a strong feeling of itself outside of marriage helps to prevent resentment and prevents the relationship from being stifling.
Always remember that a prosperous relationship is based on two whole complementary individuals, not two halves who try to complete each other.
4. Without constant maintenance, your marriage will be slicing.
Many couples underestimate the amount of work you need to have a healthy marriage.
The honeymoon phase may feel effortlessly, but over time, the responsibilities of life (work, children, finances, health) often put the relationship on the list of priorities.
You need to have regular checks and quality time together. Just as you do not expect a car to work forever without maintenance, you cannot wait for a marriage to prosper without constant care.
5. Both will change individually.
You cannot wait for the person to marry at the age of 25 at the age of 45. People evolve, the change of priorities and the circumstances of life change.
When embracing the change instead of resisting it, you will realize -of beauty and privilege in order to be able to witness this evolution.
The most successful couples are those that adapt and grow. While the members come from, they find new reasons to keep loving each day. This means being open to new experiences and giving the space to evolve without feeling threatened.
Mark TraversPhD, is a psychologist specializing in relationships. He has a degree from the University of Cornell and the University of Colorado Boulder. Is the main psychologist of Therapy awakensA telehealth company that provides psychotherapy, advice and online coaching. He is also the curator of the popular Mental Health and Welfare Website, Therapytips.org.
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